Unoccupied shoulder

Are you okay? You look so gloomy today. Have a fight with your girl?” he asked to a his office mate.

No.. no problem, I’m OK” his mate replied.

That’s not the first time. He always do that to someone else who looks not in mood. Maybe he wanted to be the person who provide a shoulder, but the person he asked often didn’t response as he expected. You can’t fake sympathy.

It’s would be better if he did that sincerely, not with a desire to be a hero. He always be an unoccupied shoulder if so.


Radiates the other

Bunch of workers got off the trucks and brought machetes and other working tools (which are sharp) with them.

Where is the auditors?!” One of them (may be the leader) shouted.

That was the situation where I can smell death really close. The worst thing is there was no cellular signal and we were 2 hours far from the nearest city. I was 26 years old and this is my second assignment.

Be calm” the team leader said.

He is an experienced internal auditor at his fourty. He told us to shut down the laptop, and staring each of us while closing his laptop screen. Then he said :

Humans are immortal. If we have to die here, then let it happen. At least we die while doing good things, we die providing our family

He was at absolute calmness back then. I don’t know where it came from, but I became very calm after that and ready for the worst thing.

Leader is someone who inspires the others, igniting, and calming while things get hard. Leader should radiates even in the darker place.

Be Picky!

Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow

Anthony J. D’Angelo

We spend most of our time at work. In 24 hours there’s only 4 to 5 hours left unoccupied for us. The ideal thing to do with that unoccupied time is learning something, honing some skills, or whatever develops you. But it’s almost impossible to do. We do need time to loosen up a bit, get hooked on Instagram, Twitter, or just reading some news.

If you still have a passion to learn, the best thing to do is doing it at work.  But it takes supportive environment and unfortunately there’re some conditions can inhibit your learning process like intense office politics and negative people around.

Surround yourself with people who wanna learn and grow. People who still passionate about learning anything, even if it just a tarot reading, knitting, book coloring or just a bread baking. Hence, you can have plenty of fuel to go because such person is the right people to grow with. So, be picky!

Your mind and soul is like Noah’s ark, you have to choose what kind of creatures to go with your journey.

Ugly Duck

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference
-Winston Churcill

There’s a guy I know, who always mock a girl by telling everbody that this girl is ugly with her skinny body and dark skin. He tells it with face like… you know, disgusted. One day the girl came into the guy’s desk and gave angpao. “Congrats for your wedding.  Sorry for not attending” she said.

Irony is when the girl you have verbally mocked still be nice to you, remembers your wedding day and hands you a gift. Have you ever heard that karma will coming back to you more and more if the person you treat badly reward you with kindness?

Please understand that we come into this world with no right to choose the physical appearance we like. Therefore, if you were born with attractive appearance is something you can’t be proud of. It’s just a privilege. What a good show from the ugly duck anyway.

It isn’t manly to be enraged

Someone wanted to lower the team’s annual performance appraisal score. We didn’t have clear criteria for performance measurement from the beginning. That’s not fair for us and now they want to lower the score. Really?!

I know it isn’t wise to be enraged, but I’ve lost it. Words are uncontrollably came out while my voice raised to higher pitch. My friend reminded me of self control as it might be hurt someone who heard. I ignored him. I really didn’t care about other people’s feelings at the time.

At the end of the day I do rethink about it and really feel sorry for every word that might hurts. Wish I could take my words back and choose calm over anger.

Marcus Aurelius once said in his popular diary (Meditations):

it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance.

It was my failure to control the rage. I promise to improve the way I control my self.


To be angry would be just fine

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

Marcus Aurelius

I was in the hospital, both my sons got fever, my wife forgot to bring insurance form we need to get medical reimburse, and I had to go back to the office immediately. I called a friend, asked to see a possibility to reimburse without the form. Unexpectedly, she replied sarcastically.

It was the situation where I need an answer real quick but the answer was just put me in anger. I let my self drowned and swearing in wrath. I called another friend just to told the whole stories of this sucks thing and took a walk around the hospital to reach back the peace. It was relieving a bit.

People had their own problem and situation. Maybe she was in situation where she couldn’t answer in the proper manner, upset about something, hate me for a reason, or I just exagerating the problem.

To answer sarcastically wasn’t her fault, it was mine, expecting everybody to understand my situation. Other people’s reaction is beyond our control, but we still have control on how we respond.

Losing temper for a moment is okay, it’s about taking back the control right after the anger possess you. Therefore, the ability to hold down the anger is crucial. Once you get there, you’ll be like hansel and gretel that cruising down the forest while tearing up a bread to leave trails so they can go back by following the bread crumbs.

Keep your feet on reality

“Realize deeply that present moment is all you have – Eckhart Tolle”

It was a rainy morning. If I had to choose,  I prefer to stay under my blanket all day long. But the fact that we have to make money to buy things makes me turn my bike on and go.

My mind is used to wandering while riding to work. A small thinking could become negative thoughts or sometimes a positive joyful moment. Both have one thing in common, they both just an imaginary and delusive event. They are not necessarily happen.

I know they’re unreal, but in reality I feel unhappy when negative thought comes and drowned in joy when that imaginary joyful moment is played in mind. My happiness depends on something that might not happen in the future. It only happens inside my mind.

I’ve found interesting article about overcoming negative thinking from There are five ways to do it. I’ve summed it up, here you go :

  1. Thought Stopping – Say “stop” when you notice negative thoughts or images are entering your mind. You can say it verbally or just in your head.
  2. Positive Affirmation – Say a positive affirmation as soon as you feel negative thoughts are coming.
  3. Enforcing Boundaries – Choose a fixed, limited period for allowing your mind to enter negative thoughts then stop it after the period has done.
  4. Writing and Destroying – Write negative thoughts that come and then destroy it. You can burn or shred the paper.
  5. “Just Because” – Take a deep breath and say something like “Just because I’ve struggled to find a good job doesn’t mean I will never find one in the future.”. Then relax and letting out your tension.

I would personally go for number 1, 2 and 5. I’ve tried them and proven effective for stopping both negative and joyful thoughts. Yup, joyful thought too, you don’t read it wrong.

Why should we stop it? Doesn’t it gives us happiness?

Yes, it rains you with positive feeling or happiness, but still, it is just delusional event. It doesn’t happen in reality. We have to stay at “now”, at something that really happen. The rule of thumb is do not attach your emotion (happy or unhappy) to an event that unnecessarily happen, your wandering mind.

Just keep your feet on reality.

It’s important to keep in control of your mind so you can control what makes you happy and what’s not.